The Curse of the "i"

Parachute pants, those slap-on bracelets, Ace of Base, "Tubthumper". What do all of these have in common? They are things that once were perceived as the pinnacle of "it" and now are nothing but fodder for jokes as people that actually experienced those fads, reminisce about how stupid they were for embracing them.

Life would be a whole lot simpler if people would just learn to follow my mantra. "People are stupid." You can never trust people. You can never expect to do anything worthwhile with people. You can never take advice about what is and what isn't cool from people. Sure there are individuals that know these things, and that can be trusted. But people in general are just stupid.

So why is it that society is so eager to embrace the philosophy of people? One of the newer offenders of the people is the "i". Now, first on this list of "i" offenders is the ever so popular iPod. Oh how it is loved by the people. And it is in fact a very handy device. However, it is not the only form of a digital music player out there. Believe it or not there are many other options that are for the most part superior to the iPod. Unfortunately, people have decided that they like how cool and hip they look with their elitist white headphones, that they have completely dumbed down many people and have coerced them to buy into the people's garbage that iPod is the only way to go. When people see any MP3 player and call it an iPod, regardless of brand, they are showing how unwilling they are to learn anything for themselves and how important it is for them to be like people. This is like calling every car you see Prious. Are they all the same kind of car? No? Then please use the same common sense when dealing with other things...like MP3 players perhaps.

The "i" phenomenon has been a huge hit for people. Not only are there iPods and iMacs. But there are companies like iRiver and ihome. In my stats class, we have a clicker that allows us to send in the answers to quizzes in class (kind of like a gameshow clicker) and guess what, it is called the "iClicker". Seriously? I mean you have to be freaking kidding me. How could you get away with naming something like that the "iClicker"? I swear I saw at least 4 students trying to plug their hip white headphones into them just last class period.

It is not the fact that I like or dislike white headphones. Instead it is the message that people are trying to give when they are showing off those white people-approved headphones. They say, "Look at me! Finally I have done it! I am just like people. Don't you wish you could be like people too?" That is what is wrong with the "i" phenomenon. Everyone is so desperate to mimic people that they are willing to do the dumbest things in order to ensure success.

How long will it be before we all feel pressured by people to order the "iburger" or have ourselves some "iIcecream" for dessert. Because people, you have successfully helped verify the veracity of my mantra. People are in fact stupid. People are pure failure.

We should champion in a new era where stupidity is eschewed rather than embraced. Where conformity happens due to rational, individual prerogative rather than through peer pressure and the wanting to be accepted. Let us distance ourselves from people and surround ourselves with intelligent, free-thinking individuals. Now is our chance to cure the curse of the "i".